Speaking my heart out

There are times when you want to be alone but are crowded by so many people, well on other times when you really need someone around; there is no body with you. Sad irony of life isn’t it? Every one of us faces a similar situation many times in course of our lives. Each of us wants the other when we have one. Sometimes, I wonder, why this happens to me or does it happen with all. Most of the times I don’t get the answer to this question, as it’s me who is asking myself. Wish I could ask this to some one and know the answer. Talking to God is one option when you have none to open your heart to, when you have so much to talk about, so many feelings to share, so many of desires you just bury deep inside in your heart, for the sole reason that there is not one listening ear, no kind heart to feel it along with you. Talking to God, which I used to do a lot when I used to be in school, writing letters addressing to god and then tear them off. Obvious reason being, number one it was too personal, second and the feared one, it shouldn’t end in my mom’s hand. Now, even writing a letter to God doesn’t come easy. Even today, I have tons of stories to tell, loads of wishes to ask for, but yet I don’t write. Why, you would ask. Maybe my more mature self feels it’s too kiddish to be doing something like that. Being grown up is not the best thing to happen to any one of us. As a child I used to eagerly wait for the time when I can be on my own. I do enjoy it, but then taking care of each small thing alone is not a candy.
Why I am writing all this today.. you should have guessed it by now, Since you haven’t guessed I might as well tell you. I am missing home, missing my family, missing my friends. I don’t generally say it aloud, for people like me speaking out about feelings, emotions doesn’t come with ease. Just a phone call right now, a ping on my chat window, a scrap on my orkut, or a mail would brighten my day. But who would know what I yearn for except God. I have this lingering feeling that everyone around me exists because I need them; it’s not the other way around. Take the example of my friends, most of them would never call me/mail me or try to contact me unless I do so. Don’t they want to be my friend anymore or I am just adding to their long list of ‘just-one-of-the-known-faces’. The other day, my team mates were talking about their cupboard being filled with gifts that they have received from friends, family. I sadly realized that I don’t have many to talk about. Most of the gifts are what my parents or my siblings have given me.
You know I feel that everyone around me treat me like a convenient option, they treat me like some one who is never going to get hurt, some one who is plain nice. Being nice doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt, not shouting on your face doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry,
Well, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

Wish i Could

(now this one i wrote during a training session ;-))

Wish I could call quits, once and for all,
And be released from these crushing walls,
Or Maybe I could just surge forward,
And climb over these fastening walls.

Wish I could free my chained spirit,
And spread everywhere like a wild forest fire,
Or Maybe I could be a cool breeze,
And whisper sweet melodies far and wide.

Wish I could open my eyes,
And realize alls nothing but a bad dream
Or Maybe I could close my eyes,
And pray in earnest to almighty to fulfill my dreams.

Wish I could feel the careless whispers,
And end the longing loneliness,
Or Maybe I could be the whisper,
And give company to someone in his solitude.

Wish I could scream at the top of my voice,
And let out all the angst to feel better within,
Or Maybe I could listen to soothing music,
And sing along the lyrics of my heart.

-Anu (Aug 5th, 2008)

Lead me to my heart

Lead me to my heart

She asked the wind breezing around,
'Can I fly away with you?
Fly away to a far away land,
A land of my dreams,
Dreams filled with people I love.'

To this the wind replied,
'Dear, love is not bound by limits,
Close your eyes, feel it,
The loved ones are just that near
To be held closed and loved.'

She asked the bird on the tree,
'Let me borrow your wings,
Just for a moment,
To reach up for the skies,
And walk over the white clouds.'

To this the bird replied,
'The wings of fantasy,
Is what you need,
To carry you over the skies,
To places new and old.'

She asked her heart, which just missed a beat,
'Oh, why are you missing a beat,
It's the beat or someone not known to me,
Smart enough to hold you,
And still unseen to my wide open eyes.'

Her heart said to her,
'It's just the feeling to be far away,
That makes you shade the one near,
Look near, search within,
There lies the place, the loved one
So searched all along.'

-Anu (15th July)

Part of your life…..

Part of your life…..

The streets lined with houses,
Does it ring a bell for you,
Or is it that it needs reminder,
The lane that passes by each turn,
Didnt you tread that path more than once,
Each lamp on the way, glows for you,
Shines to make you see the beauty around,
Have you turned blind with open eyes,
Down the memory lane, we are walking,
That’s what you said and lead me here,
I am walking a million memories,
Each waving to get your glimpse,
Why ain’t you looking at them, I quiz,
One look at you, I know solve the riddle,
Yes I brought you here dear, you say
To feel the 'me', unknown to you,
To see my flight as a winged bird,
To feel my pain as wounded soldier,
Each path in my past, I want to trod again,
For then my life will have you at each turn,
Watch the memories that sing for you,
Dancing with glory just for you, my love
Not more could I hold back my tears,
Tears of joy, gracing my cheeks,
To be part of your life, was all I dreamt,
You made me your life, I can’t love more…

- Anu (21st Oct, 2007)

I didn’t know what to write

Three years have flown by,
Like the mist in the sky,
With little moisture in my eye,
I revisit my journey taken so far,
So far it has brought me from dreams,
Realities hitting hard as the minutes pass by,
I thought of flying high in the sky,
Now I wish to be on the grounds not so high,
To be away from home all on my own,
Liberty for all, freedom unlimited,
Is what I liked to believe then,
Not long ago it took to realize,
What matters is where my heart lies,
Not places far away, but back home,
Friends are many, promises numerous,
With each traversing his own path,
Running fast to catch with the fading era,
What promises, what matters is me, myself,
Do I stand a chance to win a heart or two,
Lonely still in a crowd of people,
Who are mistaken to be close, yet so far for me,
Lessons learnt are copious,
some good, some not so bad,
Life comes a full circle, I have heard,
Where am I on this circle, I wonder.

- Anu (18th Oct, 07)

Infosys BB

Infosys.. Dream company for most and for me too. I have spent almost two years, just a few days to go before the milestone… Well, there are lots of things that one may consider ‘the best part’ of being in Infy. For me it’s the INFY BB, I just LOVE it. No better word to describe the feeling. The numerous conversations happening day in-day out, the tons of information shared, the bitter-sweet rivalry… the list is endless.

The ever green Saurav-Chappel-Dravid debate. Funny to think of it, if Dravid gets to know that Infoscions ‘lovingly (pun intended) call him ‘Puppet’, what would his reaction be. The debate over who-should-be the captain, who-should-be in the final 11, so on and so forth. I guess, we have the best critics and supporters out here. Whenever we have any of the cricket matches, the topic sooner or later gets diverted to Saurav-Chappel-Dravid debate. We never end with a conclusion still we argue to the best of our capabilities. Since, I am one of the Dada supporters; I too am a part of the ‘GO DADA GO’ mania…

The Infy Leisure (especially at Our Pune DC) never stops tickling the funny bone in each one of us. The famous ‘Chingum’ controversy, oh I had a wonderful time reading all the theories and support for the poor ‘chingum’. Before I could send it as a forward to the ‘less privileged (to be read as non-Infoscions) friends’; I get it from one of them, now that’s what we call ‘fast’ means of communication. How can I forget the tips I keep getting for ‘jumping out of a training rain’ (since I am from Mumbai, I need it so very much), ‘break open a door (maybe the next time I lose my house keys, I get to try this trick) or trying the matrix style tip ‘of jumping from one building to the other’. With all these tips practiced till perfection, few of us can give Krissh run for his money…
Now that Calfield has returned… more laughter and smiles coming along too…

HJW general is no behind in terms of debates, heated discussions, all with a carefully written disclaimer “PS: These are strictly my personal opinion and not to be taken personally”. These are true professionals, they say everything they want to and then neatly wipe it out with this disclaimer. Additional to these, the HJW general happens to be universal grievance cell, all the complaints against canteen, transport, facilities, everything finds a place here. If you are a regular BB follower, you can’t miss a Friday coming… HJW general is spammed with carpool (required/available) mails, though in a way its boon which saves lot of time and reduces safety hassles. Information of anything to everything can be obtained here. You need to know an address in Pune (or anywhere in the world) and how to reach that place, just a drop a mail here, and hurray you get a detailed map… The best discussion so far that I enjoyed was about 9/11 and the attack on Afghanistan. Have to agree on one thing, Infoscions are truly very informative.

Apart from all these, the BB is also home for budding poets/poetesses, writers, cartoonists and many more of it.. We have the freedom to express ourselves in numerous ways… and the admirers are in good numbers too. Language is no bar here, we have so many Gujarati /Marathi /Hindi poems/articles/shayaris posted frequently.
I can just remember one line to conclude.. ‘Truly, madly, deeply…’ I simply adore our INFY BB.

To see beyond....

To see beyond..

I always thought I am not among the lucky ones,
Born with a silver spoon to boast of one,
To have everything as and when wished,
Until I saw this little boy on the streets,
Carrying his younger and fragile brother,
Not as a burden but as a soft cotton orb,
Linking his arms around him,
Talking soothing words of comfort.
I haven’t realized until lately,
How I take everything for granted,
The loving care of parents,
The continuous chattering of sibling,
It’s so easy to crib about the things I don’t have,
Than being thankful the wonders that I have,
I may have little, but that little is universe of some one.. out there.
The little boy came closer to my parked auto,
Imploring to give me few of my coins,
I wished I could give him the world then,
But I just kept wishing and am wishing the same still,
I quietly passed few coins to him,
Brightening his day and his smile mine.
Thankfully for me the auto moved ahead,
And that was the last I see of him.
He is not only one nor am I the only one,
To be asking and to be giving,
When will I do something is the question I am asking,
Hope I get the answer soon and I do something.

-Anu (10th July, 2006)